Ezekiel
by Megalomaniac2
Summary: Heinkel tempts Father Anderson away from the path of the Lord. No, not that way, you perverts. This will make more sense to those familiar with the works of Quentin Tarantino.


"Ghhhrrkkk!" Until very recently, the vampire had been much more eloquent. He had expounded at length on how he would destroy his enemies, drink their blood, massacre the innocent, defile the Church, and spread darkness across the Earth. He would have elaborated further, but then Heinkel had shot him in the throat.

"Rrrghrrrgglle!"

"Oh, shut up," Heinkel said, walking nonchalantly by the monster as he lay on the dirty floor of the derelict building which had served as his lair. She could afford to be dismissive; the would-be Dark Lord of Lithuania* was a good deal less threatening with his arms and legs cut off and his ghouls annihilated. Yumie was off decapitating the last of the walking dead, leaving Heinkel Wolfe and Alexander Anderson to dispose of their master. "C'mon, Father, just this once. You always use quotes before a kill and this isn't any different. You'll like it, I know you will."

Father Anderson scowled. "Don't be ridiculous, Heinkel. It's not even a real passage! It has got nothing to do with the Word of our Lord. Now let us finish this creature and be done with it."

"You'll not get as good a chance as this again," Heinkel argued. "The two of you were made for each other! Just try it, why don't y-"

"No! Why do you keep bringing it up? When we get back I'm going to have a word with Maxwell about how you spend your free time. Clearly the immoral media you expose yourself to is having a bad influence on you- will you stop that?" Anderson barked at the vampire, whose wretched, choked cries were beginning to be annoying.

"You know what I think, Father?" Heinkel said. "I think you're afraid. Afraid you'll like it. Afraid I might be right."

"What I am afraid of," he growled, "is that you will never stop this nonsense."

"Ghrrhrrrkrrmmm! Mmmmrrrrhkhkhmm!"

Heinkel just smirked. Anderson sighed, and decided to just get the whole thing over with. Looming over the fallen vampire, he began to recite, in a low and self-conscious voice.

"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and- Heinkel, this is ludicrous-"

"Just finish it, or you can forget about any help with the orphans for a while," Heinkel said.

"_Fine._ …by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness." A pair of bayonets slid out of Anderson's sleeves, glinting in the moonlight which sheeted through the building's windows. His voice gained strength and confidence, becoming more and more tinged with the Paladin's legendary fanaticism. "For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children! And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers!" The priest roared these words and raised his blades high as Heinkel grinned from ear to ear; it was everything she'd imagined and so much more.

"And you will know that my name is the _Lord_ when I lay my vengeance upon thee!" The bayonets came down, slamming through the foul vampire's heart with such force that they drove straight through his body and into the floor beneath. "AMEN!" Anderson roared to the sky as the vampire shrieked and exploded into dust.

"There," Heinkel grinned. "Now you can't tell me you didn't enjoy that."

Anderson pushed his glasses up and muttered something about 'never again', 'sinning against God's Word,' and 'weeks of orphan help' being owed by a certain assassin.

Nonetheless, a few days after their return, Heinkel was passing by Anderson's room at the orphanage when she heard something familiar. Pressing her ear against the door, she could make out the words:

"…_it could be you're the righteous man and I'm the shepherd and it's the world that's evil and selfish. I'd like that. But that shit ain't the truth. The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be a shepherd."_

"Aye, amen," she heard Anderson murmur. "We are all trying to be shepherds."

"Amen," Heinkel whispered, smiling.

*Lithuania is about 80% Catholic. Naturally it falls under Iscariot's jurisdiction.

A/N: Because once one has visualized Alexander Anderson reciting Ezekiel 25:17 before going Old Testament on someone's ass, it cannot be unseen. Feedback is of course deeply appreciated.


End file.
